Up Hill Both Ways!?!

Posted: July 23, 2010 by Grape Ape in hills, run

Well, I guess it is time to me to contribute to this blog. I am the plum smuggler in the banana hamock known as Tony. The distance today is 10k and for those of you that don’t know where I live, it’s on a hill. And a mother of a hill to run up, but for some reason every route I map out it is at the end of the run because I would rather run .6k with 100 meters in elevation change than a gradual 2.5k to make the same height. Now that that is out of the way I will tell you that today there were three hills in the route because I can’t avoid them unless I run laps around one of the local blocks, but them the neighbours may think I am either casing their houses or suffering for early onset Alzheimer’s and am running around panicked because I forgot where I live. No matter, it doesn’t sound fun anyway. The run started out well enough, I ran up the first hill like it wasn’t there. I think I even remember spitting on the top of the hill and saying something loving like, “You ain’t got s*** hill!” And of course for every hill you run up there is a side for you to run down. Now this is a welcome relief, a bit of a break if you will before hill number two. Now either I was lucky to not catch any red lights to stop at and contemplate why the hell I am doing this to myself or the universe gave me the giant finger and said, “No rest for you Tony!” Many of you may not know this but I can’t stop running if there are people around and I blame this on dear old Dad. The problem is no one knows how far you have run so for all they know you are weak, and I can’t have that. So leg cramps be damned I’m not going to stop running because there are people every where. At the start of hill number two, which of course is large and worse than the one before it, my ankle starts to hurt. Nothing beats having a metal plate and screws holding your ankle together. Unlike the bionic man, when that was rebuilt it wasn’t better, faster or stronger. T.V. why have you forsaken me!?! With every stride that pain goes flying up the leg and with the best timing ever the play list gets into some angry music. First song to drive me up hill two is Slipknot – My Plague. That song not only inspired me to keep running but made me want to run over anyone that was in my way. Just what I need to tell the ankle pain to f*** off. Now I’m pumped and ready to go and thank you play list for being that fuel because the next song up was System of a Down. I’m not quite sure which one but I was fired up and screaming. People on the same side of the road that I was running on looked scared for their lives. Maybe next time I won’t scream with the song. I think the play list knew that I was looking like a maniac so the third song in the push past my pain was Eminem – White Trash Party. I know, it sounds a bit off but for some reason this song was just what I needed to stay motivated at this point. Hill two, ended somewhere in the middle of that set of songs. Hill two, who’s your daddy!?!

At this point all is well. I am past the mid point and I feel great. I have beat that ankle into submission and it is ready to cooperate. Away we go and still no lights to slow me down. Finally there is only .6k to go and I haven’t had to stop once. I am feeling unstoppable at this point but I am now at the base of that mother f-ing hill that I live on the top of and it is starring down at me as if to say, “Good luck” Of all times for the play list to move to a less angry Rage Against the Machine – Year of the Boomerang. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good song and it’s on the play list but now is the time for the play list to know that I need some serious teenage angst not this bubbly tune by Rage. Play list why have you forsaken me!?! None the less I charge forward to lay siege on this hill. Just about half way up the hill and welcome back ankle pain but that isn’t going to stop me because there are people around and I need to remind them that I am not weak, I am running up this ridiculous f-ing hill that when it snows needs a chair lift. Onward and upward. Just past the halfway point up this f-ing hill and my legs feel like ground beef, my chest is on fire, sweat is blinding me and the play list isn’t cooperating. Time to revert to the throaty growl in the back of my head. This is the voice of my Dad telling me that pain is weakness leaving the body and I’ll rest when I’m dead. This inspires me to argue with the voice in my reminding this voice that I will actually rest at the top of this f-ing hill. Of course this argument doesn’t happen out load because I can barely breath because every time I exhale it is so hot that it burns up all the oxygen before I can breath it in. Finally I reach the top of this f-ing hill and finish the 10k run in 1 hour 4 minutes and 13 seconds which is just in time for the play list to give me angry music that is perfect for charging up a hill, nice timing play list.

  1. piraterunner says:

    Plum smuggler you’re awesome! And welcome to run club! TI 🙂

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